Lets see where to begin...
I am now a mother of a 1st grader.. I know sounds like I'm super old all of a sudden.. Or at least that is how it makes me feel! I know I had her @ 19 & in all actuality I am NOT THAT old! But doesn't make me feel all that young either. But so far the first week has been good. Not a fan of getting up early. I didn't like it last year, & am certainly still not a fan.
But on the plus side, she's now in school til 2:30, instead of shortly after 12pm =) Surprising how 2 hours can make such a difference! Feels like FOREVER, but nice at the same time.
Ky Ky starts pre-school next week! We have open-house on the 11Th, & he is looking forward to meeting his teacher & hopefully some of his classmates!And he actually starts on the 22ND. He can't wait & has been driving me insane since Beth has gone back! "I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL TOO!!"
But on the other hand.. I am now going to have a 3 hours of no kids... I haven't had this in 6 years... What am I going to do? I know everyone thinks 3 hrs isn't all that long..
But when you've never had a 3 hr break from being a mom 5 days a week... I am excited & worried all at the same time.
Yes I have been away from my kids for a whole week before, not worrying at all. But they were safe at home with their daddy =) But now they will be in school, growing up learning skills so they no longer need me lol I know I am getting ahead of myself =P
But I bet I will grow to love it =D I have a feeling on that one hee hee
Hmmmm.. What else?
I've actually discovered I have a love for reading =) I don't read all that often. I've always said I am not very good at it, & am slow.. Well I proved myself wrong! And now am seeking for more books that could possibly hold my attention such as these!! I know now I've got all of you wondering what book could possibly spark such a sudden passion for reading. Well I shall share with you =)
It's the "Twilight" series by Stephenie Meyer.
It's a 4 book series.. Well possibly 5 if she finishes this other one that has yet to be released.. But I will get to that in a moment.But OMG these books are A-M-AZING!! I Started "Twilight" last Fri. & it's close to a 500 page book! I was a little intimidated by it. But once 20 pages in I couldn't put it down! I had to tear myself away, when I realized it was 2am! Same thing for Sat. I finished it Sun. before I had to go to work. =) Totally shocked! That is the thickest book I have read & also the shortest time I've ever read a book! Woo hoo! So Sun. on my break I started book 2 "New Moon", Which was a bit closer to 600 pages.. finished it Tue when I got home from work. Started book 3 "Eclipse" 1st thing Wed. am after dropping Beth off at the bus stop( a bit more than 600 pages this time) & finished it Fri. afternoon . & Started "Breaking Dawn" the 4Th & "final" book in the saga (754 pages to be exact =P) & would've finished it sun night, but made myself stop reading it, so I could save it for the am on Mon. I had 54 pages left & it wasn't that late, but I didn't really want it to end yet lol
So 4 pretty big books in just over a week!! Pretty awesome if I say so myself!! But on the same subject! I am hoping that Stephenie will finish & release the book she was working on "Midnight Sun" which is a combination of the 4 books, but from one of the character Edwards point of view instead of Bella's!! But she stopped working on it when someone leaked some of it on to the Internet before she has finished it!! Now she's not sure if she's going to actually finish it since she feels violated & hurt! I read on her website & got to read the 1st chapter of it which she decided to post so people could read it & not feel like they're going behind her back since she knows curiosity would probably get the best of her fans! So I am HOPING with enough people emailing her, she can get back into the right mindset & finish this! Cause just from the 1st chapters ROUGH draft it was AMAZING & left me hoping for more! I will be seriously upset if it's not released.
So as you see from this HUGE RANT! I now like reading & am now on a "quest" to find more books that can catch my attention even more =) If you've got suggestions LET ME KNOW!
OK another reason that I may have read these books so feverishly is.. that I'm actually kinda avoiding a unhappy anniversary this coming week. *sigh*
On Sat September 13Th.. (random fact from my books that happened to be the main characters b-day.. CREEPY) it will be the 2 years since the night that my adopted dad took his own life.. via hanging..
I didn't realize that it would be much worse than last years Ann. But it's almost a 100 times worse! Which I have discovered why, Or I think I have figured out why. I was still pretty numb.
But now I have been feeling the full affect of it all. I've gone back to being mad at him for doing this to our family!The feeling guilty for being mad at him, confused by it all, & most of all the gut wrenching pain! It physically hurts when I think about it & focus on the fact that he is gone & when the grief hits me! It comes like a wave & will last for awhile. Sometimes it is easier to get back to managing the pain, & others not so easy.. I have been trying hard to ignore the days as it creeps closer.. But not with much success..
Today it's been 2 years exactly since the last time I saw him.. Since my children saw him. I can remember it like it was just yesterday! Seems like he just picked us up & took us to their new place, screaming at the duck game that was on & letting Beth beat him up cause she was his kung-fu princess! He made plans to take Beth to see "Open Season" since the missed her 4Th b-day party since the were moving that weekend.. He played with Ky Ky who was just a little over 1.. When I said goodbye & good night if I had only know that it would be the last time.. EVER! It's also the day that I took the last pic of him EVER!
It kills me that I know Ky Ky doesn't remember him!
How Beth kind of remembers him, but as she gets older, I know she won't really..
It's hard for me to even really talk about it... So I've been trying not to think about it. But easier said then done. But the fact is that I miss him more & more every day! & it kills me that I got things from him that my little sister & little brother will never have!
I am thankful for what he gave me in the time he was in my life, but that doesn't lessen the pain or hurt that he left us with..
But I guess I have written FAR FAR more than I meant to. So I shall stop here. Thanks for reading if you managed to read it all :P
