I still...

On Friday Sept 13th is the 7 year anniversary of my adopted dad's suicide...
This time of year is always hard for me. Bring up emotions I like to keep locked up!

I still think about him every day. And try not to forget the sound of his voice or the smell of his cologne.

There is still a bit of anger of why he would do this to us. And wonder if there was anything I could've done to prevent his death. It makes you feel like you weren't enough for him to stay around longer.

Logically I know he was sick & it wasn't my fault & there was nothing I could've done. But it still hurts & my heart still aches!

He should be here to see how awesome my little sister is doing at the U of O & be there for my brother.
He should've been here to meet my husband. They would be two peas in a pod! They're very similar in so many ways! He needed to meet my newest son, who is named after him. There was so much of his life left. All I can ever think of asking him is why?

Why would you leave us? We loved you so much! And our lives have been broken since. We've picked up the pieces the best we can. But there are some serious holes. I have a empty void in my heart, that will always be there.
Like the quote I have tattooed "It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather I'd grown strong enough to bear it."

All good things must come to an end...

As the end of summer creeps up on us. I have to admit it's bitter sweet! I'm happy to get those peaceful hours back, but am sad Bry is leaving back to Portland this coming Sat.

Also I will miss having my helpers around the house. They all have been very helpful this summer.

But we've had a fun filled summer. Two camping trips, a visit to the undersea garden, Oregon coast aquarium, fishing, crabbing twice, a night in a huge cabin, birthday parties, lots of sleepovers, late nights, & overall tons of fun times.
If you ask me it's been a pretty perfect summer.

I still can't believe Bethy is going into the 6th grade!! She is blossoming into a wonderful young girl!

This is also Ky's first year at school without his sister being there. He's nervous & excited. They're all growing too fast!

But I'm grateful I get to be home with them to watch & learn with them! I love my life!

I am hoping to find a hobby of my own this coming year. Kinda hoping to start roller derby, but we shall see :)

Let's see what this fall brings us

Prayers, Weddings, & Parties

This have been rather chaotic around here lately! Jeremy's grammy's health hasn't been so great lately. Within the last few months she has broken her pevlis, got a double UTI, broke her hip, & as of last night had a stroke & seiuze. So we're going to visit her in the hospital again tonight. She seems to be doing better this morning than she was when Jeremy's mama called last night. So that is a huge plus! But we're not out of the woods yet! Prayers are needed!


Also my cousin's wedding happened! Yay Matthew! I was one of the bridesmaids! Always a brides made, already a wife ;) It was tons of fun! The wedding was beautiful & I got to get all dolled up. Which being a stay at home mom, that's always nice! Not to mention the wonderful new friends I made! My "wedding buddy" Brandi is awesome & made it all that much more fun! We also went to the after party & had a BLAST!  Sooooo neded that!

I know I'm a classy lady ;)

Oh but evenbefore the wedding, Jeremy took me to see Jim Gaffigan. Which was AWESOME! He was hilarious!  But the best part was when we went out aftertheshow for some drinks & dessert at The Steelhead. When we were almost done & thinking about leaving.... Guess who walked in?! Yup! Jim Gaffigan! He sat one table away from us! So I immedatly ordered another drink & we gawked at him. When we left, we stopped by & said hi & shook his hand! :) super awesome!! 

As for parties... we have had some fun! There was the Mangina  party! Matt & Dalidas bachlor bachlorette party. Super duper fun! Let's just say the night ended up in a pool & my poor cousin hurt himself! Ugh! We're not super graceful people lol

And then last weekend we celebrated Bethy's 11th birthday... Hunger Games style! Her 1st teenagerish party :) We had over 18 kids in our house! I'm not sure how any of us survived. But she had a blasty blast! We got her a tablet & she has hardly set it down since she opened it! Still can't believe my baby will be 11 on Fri! Time sure does fly by!

New couches!

Jeremy went & got us brand spanking new couches! And I LOVE THEM! It's the first new pieces of furniture either one of us have ever had! We're officially grown ups now! lol

Next on my list is a dinning room table! ;)

Camping, Crabbing, & the Coast

So this last weekend we went on our camping trip to the coast. We had tons of fun! We stayed at Tyee camp grounds, which is 5 miles south of Florence. When we left I forgot to write down which spot we were in... Oops! Luckily my phone had internet. Unfortunatly my phone is a piece of poo & it took almost 10 just to log into my email to get the info. Then we saw our original spot... Happened to be the smallest on at the grounds! Our tent wouldn't even fit! So we called & they were nice enough to bend the rules & let us get a different spot.   After we got our spot issue solved we set up camp. Then headed to the south Jetty to try crabbing. We caught a ton, but no keepers til our last day. But had loads of fun.

On sat. We went to newport & went to the undersea gardens. Not that great, but still a fun adventure. I happen to be EXTREMELY clausterphobic & they were so busy in newport & the area we were in had tiny walk ways it was hortible! I got a horrible anxiety attack, so we didn't stay all that long in newport. But jeremy did have a go at crabbing there. With no luck, so we went back to the south jetty. The people at the south jetty were so much more friendly the newport. Jeremy learned lots of new tricks. :)

Sunday we packed up camp & then spent the whole day crabbing. Which we finally got two keepers. We came close several times before. They within 1/4 in sometimes. And came very close a few times after we got our keepers. The only down fall to the south jetty was how windy it was!! I've never been to the coast when it was that windy. Fri night eli lost a shoe to the wind & on sat a binky. But overall great trip!

I could get use to this!

So far this last week. I only had to cook 1 meal! (Not including Jeremy's breakfast or making the kids lunch. Still did that all week. Pretty much just talking about dinner lol) Jeremy did most of the dinner making this last week & then took us out to dinner at Evergreen Indian food last night.

I never had Indian food before. So Jeremy ordered for me. Don't remember what it was that I ate. But it was DELICIOUS! The service though was horrible! Took us over 45 min s to get our food. Never got our extra plate we asked for, Jeremy ended up going to get a booster seat for Elijah after we asked her twice if we could get one. And we watched one of the waitresses (luckily not ours) be extremely rude to the people sitting in the booth next to us. So I don't really recommend them. But the food was amazing!

Jeremy also treated us to going to see the newish G.I. Joe movie at the $1.50 theater. A fun movie. Not amazing, but entertaining enough.

Also Bethy had another sleepover this week at her friends house. I see this becoming a regular thing. They're two peas in a pod. She might of found her real bestie :) Everyone has been her best friend when you ask her. But I see this friendship being the one that lasts. Can't believe she's going into middle school :( Feels like she just started kindergarten! Sure does go by fast!!

But just another little post on how great my week has been :) love weeks like this!

It's a rough life...

This week has been going lovely! I haven't had to cook dinner all week. My WONDERFUL husband has cooked all week after he's worked all day! Very lucky girl!  Plus the kids have been getting along smashingly , Bethy had a sleep over at her friends last night, & has another one lined up for Fri.
 Also we got our camping trip lined up for July 5th-7th. We're all VERY EXCITED about it.
Aaaaaand my sister in law gave birth to new little niece, Nyah Rose Miller!! Yay!
So very excited we get to meet her tonight!!
Very much in love with my life!