I still...

On Friday Sept 13th is the 7 year anniversary of my adopted dad's suicide...
This time of year is always hard for me. Bring up emotions I like to keep locked up!

I still think about him every day. And try not to forget the sound of his voice or the smell of his cologne.

There is still a bit of anger of why he would do this to us. And wonder if there was anything I could've done to prevent his death. It makes you feel like you weren't enough for him to stay around longer.

Logically I know he was sick & it wasn't my fault & there was nothing I could've done. But it still hurts & my heart still aches!

He should be here to see how awesome my little sister is doing at the U of O & be there for my brother.
He should've been here to meet my husband. They would be two peas in a pod! They're very similar in so many ways! He needed to meet my newest son, who is named after him. There was so much of his life left. All I can ever think of asking him is why?

Why would you leave us? We loved you so much! And our lives have been broken since. We've picked up the pieces the best we can. But there are some serious holes. I have a empty void in my heart, that will always be there.
Like the quote I have tattooed "It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather I'd grown strong enough to bear it."