Where would you be with out a friend like this?

I've been having a super hard time in my life at the moment, & if it wasn't for my wonderful friend JenBun I would be totally lost!! I am actually a guest blogger for her today.. well yesterday :)
But she has been there for me no matter what! She is such a wonderful friend! I feel so blessed to have her as a friend!
We can talk for hours & have eachother ROLLING! I am sure my hubby thinks that we're crazy, from half of the conversations that he hears. But haha he's the idiot that married me! HAHA in your face!
But we can make any conversation into something way more intresting then it actually is! The weird part is that we have yet to meet. But that will happen this July & will be WICKED AWESOME!
CAN'T WAIT TIL THEN!!
But yea she is pretty amazing! I don't know how I would make it through half the things going on in my life if it wasn't for her!
LOVE YOU JENBUN!!

The "joys" of parenting...

I love my kids more then anything in the world! But sometimes I just wish I could get a break sometimes!!
Beth is almost 6 & Ky Ky just turned 3.. So I have my hands full! It doesn't help that I work nights & don't get enough sleep at all!
I just want to escape for a bit! Does this make me a bad parent? I don't think so. I have been a mom since I was 18.. well technically 19 *pregnant @ 18, had her a few months after I was 19* So I've never really had the "normal" teenage life. Well I never really had a normal life. I had to grow up fast. So I never thought anything of it that I was forced to be a mom at a young age. It's a lot harder than you would think..
It wasn't til after my adopted dad died that I really started being a "selfish", but I realized that I deserve some "me" time. Where I am not a mom/wife for a few hours! I am just 25 year old Tanya!
And lately I feel like I don't get that really.
I don't resent my kids at all, & they are the reason for me waking up everyday! But I am in just in a need of a night to myself!
They're the joys of my life & crack me up all the time. But it is days like this, when they don't listen very well, that I just want a moment!
A moment that I am not yelling " don't eat that!", "get your hand out of your butt" ,"What did you put in your nose", & "Stop hitting each other" Sentences you never really thought you would have to use.. Just wait. When your a parent some of the things you have to say. Would totally help if Ky Ky would potty train. I know he JUST turned 3, But lord have mercy I am DONE with the whole diaper thing! Driving me nutty!!
But it's the sweet moments that keep you from selling them on the black market!
When Ky Ky just wants to snuggle, or Beth feels the need to do my hair.. never a pretty out come, but still cute! Or when they accomplish something on their own, and they're so proud of themselves.
That's what keeps them around :P Helps that they're really cute.
I just get tiered of doing everything around the house. Working til 2am, getting up @ 6 to take Beth to the bus stop for school, having to clean the house, help her with her homework, & all that kind of stuff. Would be great if the hubby helped more.. But that is a totally different ranting blog!

My Obsessions!

I just discovered the worlds best show ever! & since we've gotten our dvr & have become quite the TV addict!

1st off is the WONDERFUL show THE TUDORS!

With the sexy Jonathan Rhys Meyers! YUM-O! I liked him before this show, but now am a total fan!! But the show is about a Young Kind Henry the VIII.

Oh & a fun fact about me. Apparently I am a descendant of him.. My grammy was way into genealogy & found that out long time ago. not sure how, but yea I am Royalty. Booyah!

But anyways. Season 2 just started. Which I had to wait FOREVER!! But if you have Showtime I Highly recommend that you check this show out. The 1st episode of the 1st season was kinda long & filled with LOTS of info.. I thought I wouldn't like it.. But after it ended I wonder what was going to happen next. With it being history too, you kinda know. But you still want to see the sexed up version.. Much better lol Then I was HOOKED!! Love it!

TV Obsession #2:

ONE TREE HILL

My little sister is the one who got me hooked on this one. I've been hooked for almost 2 years. It was something that brought us together after our dad died. She was already hooked & made me record it for her since the didn't have cable for a few weeks. So she came over & watched it & I got interested.. & went out & bought all the previous seasons & now & a COMPLETE fan! YAY!

I know it's a total high school show, but can't help but love it! It reminds you of when you were in highschool. And I have found some other "adults" who like the show. Oh & it's fun to torture my hubby while I watch it! Also Chad Micheal Murray is HOT!

Obsession #3: BIG BROTHER

I know reality TV is totally over rated... but I've watched this show for years & since our dvr I can watch all the episodes in a season, since before i would miss something. Since it is on like 3 times a week. So I've watched the last 3 seasons all the way through. I totally think I would be good at this game. For anyone who hasn't seen or heard of the show. You go into this house, with 16 other people. & you compete for H.O.H (head of household) Where you put 2 people up to get voted out. Then you compete for P.O.V.( power of Veto) whoever wins the p.o.v. has the option to take one of the people put up down. & the H.O.H will renominate someone. Then the house guest, besides the 2 up & h.o.h. will vote someone out. But the game last 3 months. No contact from the outside world, besides if you win h.o.h. you get letters & pics from your family... OH & you have food comp. Where you play to win food or you get slop.. which looks like this nasty oatmeal type stuff! But from the sounds of it doesn't taste like oatmeal at all! So now you know how the game is played & want to watch it huh? Well this season is almost over.. Sad I know. & this season was kinda crappy, cause the had it as couples most the game. Then it went back to how it is normally played. But oh well. Still love the show! You should too!

On to Obsession #4:

LOST

OK this show is AMAZING! & we've watched it from the very 1st season! You never know what is going to happen on this show.Some of the shit that happens on the show is CRAZY! But you get totally hooked!! Who thought a show about a plane crashing on a island could last this long. But OMG it is GOOOOD! There is always something CRAZY going on! Lots of Love triangles & twists & turns. Just when you find something out that you've been dying to know the answer too, they throw something even more nuts out there & leave you hanging! Can you say addicting? So if you haven't seen it I recommend that you go rent season 1. Cause you can't just jump into it. Doesn't work. There is so much you need to know!

Alright #5:

Grey's Anatomy:

This show rocks my socks off! Oh it makes me sad that it's been off the air for so freakin long! SO HAPPY that it's coming back on! Woo! But I tried not to like it. Didn't watch it the 1st season.. but was home alone when season 2 started.. & was bored.. & it was on.. Totally got hooked. But how could you not? I love it! Very very good show. This show makes me wonder if life as a Dr. at a hospital is really like that? So if your a Dr. of some sort & work at a hospital please answer this question thank you :)

OK I know there are a few more, but this is a pretty long list to begin with.. Maybe another day I will finish my list of obsessions... & this is only my TV obsessions lol There are a lot more things I love :D

DAMN THIS HORMONES!!

I hate feeling like this! Where you could cry at the drop of a hat.. I mean I chocked up at a freakin commercial.. Sad I know.. And to make it worse.. It was a Mc Donald's one.. EVEN SADDER I KNOW!
I know a lot of it has to do with the Ann of my adopted dad's death, which was yesterday. But other then that I don't know what could be the root of these silly emotions. I am getting really annoyed by them! I mean who wants to cry over some ridiculous commercial?! Not me!! But hopefully I will get back to my sunny disposition soon!

It's been 19 months..

19 months since the horrible night you took your own life.. Since I've heard your voice, since you've made fun of something stupid I've said or did. 19 months since I've heard you laugh or yell at a game. 19 months since you've seen your kids, or mine. You've missed out on a lot of things. Seen your daughter's 1st dance on a JV Dance team. Your sons oral surgery. Beth turning 5, Ky Ky turning 2 & 3, me turning 24 & 25.
19 LONG months. I've missed you every one of those day & have thought of you every one of them as well.
It's weird how my subconscious even knows what day of the month it is, without me even realizing it.
I woke up today & have been down in the dumps all day. Not even realizing what my problem was. Then I saw the date...
It's been 19 months full of tear.. lots of things we wished we could say to you. I just miss you every day! & wished there was a way you could be back in my life!

OMG I'm half of 50!!

So Tue I turned 25! Woo Hoo!! Not as bad as I thought it would be. The day started off kinda rough. But in the end, it turned out GREAT! I went to my sister's. Which was wonderful & we had a great time! She totally caught me off guard when she bought me a cake!! Which I haven't had a birthday cake since I was 18! Which she also was the one who got it for me!! It was so nice!! I haven't really had anything special done for me on my B-day in YEARS! So this was such a great treat!! She got me the cutest card, flowers, some booze & my cake :) What more could you ask for on your birthday :D

We had such a fun night. Stayin up far too late & we had fun gardening . Which apparently I am good at making little paths ,you know the kind with those stones.. I can't remember the name it is called... Something starting with a M.. Do you know? But I totally rocked at it haha bad pun! But it was such a good day. Kinda started out rough, but ended well.

The b-day fun even continued next day, the hubby & I went to the movies. Which is always nice to have date night. Since having kids date night doesn't happen a whole lot. So over all 25 has been good.

apparently everything is my fault

ok so I have been SUPER SUPER careful since we got the account in order... But I wrote 2 checks BEFORE vegas. So over a month ago. That I had already thought cleared.. But NO now they did. When i have written EVERYTHING down! EVERYTHING! Now I get FUCKED over by these 2 checks! Kyle is mad at me in the fact that this is my fault again! he screamed at me we should’ve had more money in the account in the 1st place. But we would’ve had at least 60$ to get us through the week. Which that wouldve been fine.But he said we should’ve had way more then that. I am sorry I bought him & ky ky presents!& I paid our phone & cable bill! Now once again I probably won’t get anything for my birthday & he will make me feel like it is my fault