It only took 10 years!!

So you maybe curious what too me 10 years to FINALLY get... *Drum roll please*
Oh only my FAVE perfume on the planet!! Ralph by Ralph Lauren. Some may think this isn't a blog worthy topic. But on the contrary. This isn't just any ol' Tom, Dick, or Harry perfume. This is the perfume I've been coveting this perfume since I was 15 or 16. It was always too expensive for my poor ass as a teenager. So I always walked past it sadly dreaming of the day I would own it. Then as I got older, I never got it because I thought it was too much to spend on myself. I always talked myself out of it. So once again the sad stare & walking away.
But not anymore!! I FINALLY bought it for myself this weekend. =D WOO GO ME! The Lil' perfume store at my mall I work at, was having a wicked sale & I broke down & got it!! So now I smell scrumptious, and I can stop asking for samples of it from random department stores lol There is no shame in my game =P

Le Sigh

I'm trying really hard not to get down in the dumps again this year... Easier said than done.. It's just over a month away from the 3 year anniversary of my adopted dad's death. *sigh*
It's really hard to think that it's only been 3 years. On one hand it feels like it's been an eternity since the last time I saw him.. On the other, it feels like yesterday that I got the call saying he took his own life...

Suicide is one of the most confusing kinds of death to deal with. I've got the "pleasure" of dealing with several kinds of grief.. & this is by far the most difficult. I go back & forth from being mad at him, to missing him, to feeling guilty for things I got that my little brother & sister will never get, & to wanting to scream... the list can go on.. So many conflicting feelings. They say the pain of loosing someone gets easier with time.. That is complete bullshit. The quote I recently got tattooed from the book New Moon is the most fitting I've come by so far.
"It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather I'd grown strong enough to bear it"

My biggest fear is forgetting the sound of his voice & his laughter. Two of the most comforting sounds. And with my divorce I know he would've had some great advice... He always knew what to say when you were upset or needed a shoulder to cry on.
Also I know he would've loved Jeremy! They're very similar in many ways.. I really wish he was still around to meet him...
It breaks my heart having Ky Ky not know who he is, and Beth really doesn't remember him. Not to mention how his death has destroyed my family. Shalla will never be the same. She's not the same person anymore & doesn't know how to even really cope with her grief.. None of us are the same.. But I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay to smile again & live. But Shay has seemed to forgotten how to do that.. Sometimes you seem to see a glimmer of her old self, but for the most part she's lost in her grief & depression. And then she gives me a guilt trip for trying to move on.. And it's not the fact that I'm even moving on.. I'm just not allowing myself to sit around & wallow in my own self pity. That has gotten me no where & I hate being like that.. But once again I find myself rather sensitive & kind of pissy. So I feel bad for my family & friends who have to be near me at the moment.. I either want to snap at you for nothing you really did, or cry at a comment that I know is a joke. * I did BOTH of these things to Jeremy last night.. OOPS*
So I am hoping I don't drive Jeremy batty in the next month, or that I myself don't loose it lol I know Ron wouldn't want me to sit around crying. He was a very fun loving, out going person & wouldn't want me to stop living my life. I just miss him & wish I could get a hug from him.. That is all I really want. I never got a good bye... And there are so many unsaid things that I wish I could've told him.. But I can't change anything so all I can do it just try & get by =)

Guess who's back.....

It's been far far too long again.. Almost a year.. Yea I know. Naughty me =P But I'm Baaaaaack! And I promise to myself & ya'll that I shall be on here more!

My wonderful JenBun & I had a nice lil' convo about this glorious site last night & how good of an outlet it is. She's wise beyond her years =)

But back to the subject at hand.. ME =D My fave subject! LOL A LOT has happened in this last year; some bad, a lot good. So overall things are going good.

The biggest news of it all is that I'm now divorced. As sad as it is that I'm a divorced before I'm even 30, It's a good thing. That was the only real feeling I had. So I know I've made the right choice. But still feel like a failure a bit. It was hard at first when I left Kyle. But I needed to do it & it should've happened a lot sooner than it did. Denial is a great thing. It's been difficult on the kids. Ky Ky seems to be the one having the hardest time. But he's beginning to understand that it will be okay in the end, & that just because Kyle & I aren't together, doesn't mean we love him any less. He's a daddy's boy for sure. So this has been a huge change for him. And the fact that he's only 4 & doesn't understand it all makes it a bit harder. But he picks up on a lot more than I would've given him credit for. My kiddo's a smarty pants =P I'm just hoping that Kyle & I can be friends through this. We just recently signed the divorce papers, & things have seemed to be fine. He goes back & fourth from being rather pleasant, to giving me the "eat shit & die" look. So I don't know when or if we shall ever be able to maintain a friendship. I am hoping as time passes, he'll be able to come around. I want to be friends for more than the kids sake. He's a good guy, & I hate to see him so bitter.

Also Beth just turned 7 last week & will be going into the 2nd grade in the fall.!! I still can't believe that she's already 7! Not to mention that she will be going into the 2nd grade! Eeek! I FEEL OLD! Waaaahhhh! But she will be going to a new school. So that's going to be a little hard on her, but she's friendly enough to make new friends easily enough. My daughter isn't all that shy. lol But I am hoping that she likes the school. It's not too new of a school, since she took a summer reading camp at that school last summer. So I'm hoping that helps the transition a bit more.

Another wonderful change in my life is that I met someone & am actually living with him now too. I know sudden, but life's short. Jeremy is amazing. He's 6 years older than me & has a 8 year old son. Who's adorable. He only has Brycen every other week, but it's still fun & trying at times to have 3 kids between the age ranges of 4, 7, & 8. It's been a huge change for all of us, but it's been rather good as well.
We planned on taking things slow.. And that didn't work out so well lol I am madly in love and for the 1st time in a very long time I'm actually happy. We've had so many awesome adventures it's hard to even share them all. =D We went to see Green Day in Seattle on the 3rd of July, we went to the country fair & and a blasty blast, we just got back from a fun family camping trip, & not to mention all the fun random dates. He's defiantly my Edward! hee hee Of course I would make a Twilight reference. He's shown me that I'm beautiful just the way I am and he's so freaking amazing! He's pretty much the male version of me, but with a few twists to make it interesting. He keeps me on my toes that's for sure. I can't imagine my life without him. I know it hasn't been all that long we've been together, but sure feels like I've always been with him. It just feels right. I can't put it in any other words. He also gave me the little push to actually go apply for the internship @ a local radio station here. And I got it. =D It's been super fun. I've got to do lots of fun random events.
See so overall, all is good on the home front.